Looking for Validation in All the Wrong Places

I love writing.  That's why I do it.  I love the sweat and angst that comes with editing.  I love that I reread the damn stuff so many times that I hate it... then move away from it for two weeks, and then I love it again.  I love being able to say, "I created this."  And maybe it's mediocre dribble, but it's still mine.

My problem, I think, is that I seek validation constantly.  And since, before, oh, Monday I had only been writing for myself and not seriously considering polishing it for publication or networking or taking writing classes or working with professionals, I was looking to my friends and family for that validation.  The problem is that I send them chapters and then they don't read them, or they promise they will later, or they just kind of say, "Oh" when I say that I'm writing again.  And that hurts more than for someone I don't even know (well) to tell me my writing is crap and to ditch it and start from scratch.  I would much rather have that.

So, I hereby vow to myself that I will not solicit validation from any one of my friends and family from now on.  I've joined an online community of women writers that I can't wait to delve into.  I've found a local organization that has writing classes for women, and has a drop-in class once a month so I can see if it will fit me and my work (the women who run it are all amazing activists, and I'm a little intimidated....).  I've started following blogs of authors and agents, entering contests and trying to get my name out there.  And I'm just diving in without a safety net.

Am I scared?  Oh, hell yeah!  But is it the best thing for me?  Absolutely.