So, today I'm posting my query blurb for Fighting Fate. I'm currently in the midst of substantial (painful) edits, which is why I've left the word count blank. It's wrought with problems, so hack away. PLEASE!
Dear ________,
When a dare causes Anabelle Lindsky to use her magic and sneak into the restricted area of the royal Mansion, she only wants to say she’d met Prince Marcus. After she gains his attention, however, Marcus decides to pursue this daredevil commoner with her sky blue eyes and unexplained magic abilities. The odd magnetism between them makes it impossible for either to resist the other.
Anabelle didn’t realize that her stunt would also attract the attention of the violent, impulsive Queen. The Queen’s knowledge of a prophecy about the two young adults forces her to keep Anabelle and Marcus apart, no matter how drastic the measures. After the Queen suggests a threat to Anabelle’s life, the couple run without any knowledge of the prophecy. Anabelle and Marcus must decide if their attraction is worth the risk of avoiding the Queen’s wrath, unaware that the stability of their lives and the nation depends on their decision.
Fighting Fate, a New Adult Romance/Urban Fantasy novel of about XX,000 words, is the first of a three-part series, though it can stand alone.
(Personalization goes here)
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Rosie Connolly
UPDATE
Here's a second draft. Hopefully I've addressed some of the issues. I'm not afraid of comments and know this is really rough, so don't hold back, folks. I can take it.
And thank you!
When a dare causes Anabelle Lindsky to use her magic and sneak into the restricted area of the royal Mansion, she only wants to meet Prince Marcus. For reasons he can’t explain, he saves her from being discovered by security. After she gains his attention, however, Marcus decides to pursue this daredevil commoner with her sky blue eyes and unexplained magic abilities. What neither of them could have anticipated was that their meeting and future relationship had been foretold as the first in a series of events leading to civil war and the destruction of the nation.
Anabelle didn’t realize that her stunt would also attract the attention of the violent, impulsive Queen. The Queen’s knowledge of the prophecy forces her to keep Anabelle and Marcus apart in order to maintain her control, no matter how drastic the measures. After the Queen suggests a threat to Anabelle’s life, the couple run without any knowledge of the prophecy. Anabelle and Marcus must decide if their attraction is worth the risk of avoiding the Queen’s wrath, unaware that the stability of their lives and the nation depends on their decision.
