Welcome

Welcome to my self-indulgent location for the stories (good and bad) that I can't prevent myself from writing. All comments and criticisms welcome. I post on Tuesdays and Saturdays.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

First Campaigner Challenge

I normally post MWF, but we're heading out of town tomorrow, so I thought it would be best to put this up now. I won't have any post tomorrow.

As I'm still struggling with my writing mojo, I'm not sure if I love this flash fic or not, but here goes nothing. It's exactly 200 words (yup, I'm a geek like that.)

As always, I'm open to any and all comments you may have. And thanks in advance for reading.


The door swung open, and Samantha stared into the darkened study room. She'd planned to meet her friends here at seven before grabbing dinner. Just the three of them. No crowds, no hoopla. Just dinner and quiet company.

But the room was black, empty.

Something felt wrong. Lewis was as punctual as a tightly wound watch, and Cheryl thought "late" meant arriving twenty minutes early. So where were they? Her imagination whirled. Had someone or something attacked them?

Was it still there waiting for her?

Inside, carpet fibers rustled. Samantha narrowed her eyes, searching in the darkness while refusing the cross the threshold. What made that noise? What was in there?

It felt wrong.

While her impulses told her to run, her feet wouldn't move. Curiosity plucked at her attention. Against her better judgment, she reached inside for the light switch. Blinding florescent lights flickered to life.

"Surprise!"

Swear words ran through Samantha's mind as hands gripped her arms and dragged her inside. She spotted Lewis and Cheryl at the center of the crowd. She had felt more comfortable thinking her friends were hurt.

Trapped. Now she was trapped. She glanced around, searching for an escape.

The door swung shut.

21 comments:

Amy LaBonte said...

Yes, I liked this!

AveryMarsh said...

Oh, wow, can I relate to your character! ;) Great suspense... and I love the twists at the end.

David Powers King said...

Awesome scene! Interesting that she'd rather not have a surprise (birthday or otherwise).

Great job, Rosie! :)

MISH said...

You had me holding my breath and waiting for the bombshell ! Nice twist at the end !
My entry at no.#59

Patricia T. said...

Nicely written. Thought she was walking into a trap, but not what I expected. Great tension.

Patricia T. #85

Natasha Hanova said...

Likey! Good use of sound to evoke eeriness. And cool picture too.

Sonia Lal said...

Ohh a surprise party! Nice!

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Great entry. I hate surprise birthday parties as well, Roland

Maria said...

Good twist at the end!

P.S. I'm in the Urban Fantasy group with you. :-)

Carol Riggs said...

Haha, nice. GREAT parallel at the end with "The door swung shut" in contrast to "The door swung open" at the beginning. Love that, as well as the twist of surprise, all in 200 words.

Jess said...

I love it! I dislike surprises as well, so I can totally relate. :)

Steph Sinkhorn said...

Haha. You incorporated some great personality here. I felt like I got a sense of each of your characters' individual ticks. Awesome job!

Angelina C. Hansen said...

I know that feeling. This is a great piece. Well done!

Ann said...

I guess Samantha doesn't like surprise parties!! That sure was a surprise ending. I am still smiling. Great story. Oh and nice to meet you fellow campaigner.

bridget said...

I particularly like the way you described the friends. Nice job. Mine is #72

The Golden Eagle said...

Ha! Great ending to this piece. :)

My entry.

Cortney said...

Nice suspenseful scene, and I liked the party twist at the end, especially how the character feels trapped. I wonder why? Well done!

Medeia Sharif said...

Great suspense and twist at the end.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Leah said...

Poor girl. I like how you managed to really sink into her perspective (Gripped her arms, dragged her inside, etc.), because I could tell she really doesn't care for surprises.

Alica McKenna Johnson said...

Maybe when she goes to the bathroom she can escape out the window? Very fun.

Amanda Milner said...

Lol! I love the twist! *gulp* A surprise party would make me search for an escape as well. Haha!

Related Posts with Thumbnails